Coming to Terms
by Barmy in a Butcher Shop
Summary: Both Hikaru and Akira come to terms with their feelings for each other, in the oddest of ways. If you don't like silliness, this isn't for you! Shounen-ai. And lots of it.
1. The new obsession

I'm the kind of person who sets out to write a romance… and it turns into people obsessing over the Flintstones.

I know. I'm a sad, sad person.

If you can't tolerate silliness, then I'd suggest you don't read this.

Go away and read something good, whilst I hide in a giant oven mitt and feel sorry for myself.

**Flintstones, meet the Flintstones! They're the modern Stone Age family! From the, town of Bedrock! They're a page right about of history…**

From the kitchen, he could hear odd, English music coming out of the TV. What on earth were they saying? Perhaps he should go and investigate…

**Let's ride, with the family down the street! Through the, courtesy of Fred's two feet! When you're, with the Flintstones…**

How curious.

**Have a yabba-dabba-doo time, a dabba-do time… you'll have a gay ol' time!**

Yabba… what? Now, Touya Akira hadn't watched a great deal of television, except for Go matches, of course. Yet, today, with this strange new programming, he decided to give it a go. MUA HA HA!!! That was a great pun. …Or not.

Thankfully, there were subtitles on the bottom of the screen, so he could make out what they were saying. So far, he had gathered this much. It was some sort of cartoon… about cavemen.

_This is stupid,_ he thought to himself. _I Why would anyone want to waste time watching some stupid slapstick about a fat caveman? There's even a laugh track… as if it's so bad, they need to tell the people what's supposed to be funny …_

Despite these thoughts, Akira decided not to get up, and he didn't know why. He would get up eventually… Not just yet, anyway. He figured he'd sat through most of it; he might as well watch the rest…

But then a second episode started, and again, Akira did not move. What was going on with him?

_ That's it,_ he thought again, _I must be going insane. I do not want to watch this. It is a stupid, pointless, waste of airspace, which could be used for better things. Like Go. Why do-_

His thoughts were abruptly cut off when Fred has dropped a big rock on his foot, and Akira found himself laughing hysterically.

_What!? Why am I laughing!? Only a moron would find that funny! If that actually happened, you're foot could be-_

He dropped the rock on his foot again, and Touya broke out into uproarious laughter.

"Akira-san? Is there something wrong…?" he heard his mother call from… um, some other room.

He quickly realized that he had been laughing like a lunatic, stopped, and said, "I'm sorry, mother. I just…"

Mrs. Touya walked into the living room, and smiled happily, "That's the first time I've heard you laugh like since you're pet fish was run over…"

Touya's eyes widened in horror. "… you said Mr. Dumplings ran away!!!"

"Oh, yes… that was you're father who laughed. Um… forget we ever had this conversation." She hastily left the room.

Akira was grief stricken… How could someone kill Mr. Dumplings? It was heartless… He didn't know how long he could go on. Knowing the truth… he-

But he promptly forgot about his beloved fish when Fred dropped a ladder on Barney's head, and he began to laugh like a hippopotamus stepping on a colony of ants.

… if hippopotamuses laugh when they do that.

"Kouyo… I'm getting a bit worried about him…" Touya Akiko said to her husband as she observed their son, who was glued to the couch. "He's been watching that thing for three hours straight…"

The man said nothing.

"This just isn't normal for him."

Still, her husband said nothing.

"Kouyo, are you listening to a word I say?" She turned around to look at him.

He had fallen asleep in his bowl of bran flakes.

"…"

Why he was eating bran flakes… I do not wish to know.

"That's it," Akira said to himself, "I need to study before bed. I have an important game tomorrow with a powerful opponent and cannot continue to watch this drabble." He stood up.

There was something, though… something that told him he should just sit right back down and continue to watch the Flintstones until his eyes turned purple.

He dismissed this gut feeling as a simple television mind trick, though, and quickly headed up the stairs.

After his long, tiring journey from the lower level of the house, Akira finally entered his room. He opened the closet, pulled out is futon, and an ugly pair of flannel pajamas with stupid flowers on them (which he thought to be quite stylish) and began to get changed. That's when he heard it.

** "Wilma! I'm home!"**

Deep within his mind, he knew he wanted to run down the stairs, plant himself upon the couch, and see what hilarious mishaps Fred and Barney would get into. But he knew he couldn't. Therefore, he did what any sane person would do, and screamed, "NO! I'm supposed to be thinking about Go! About GO! WHY WON'T THOSE STUPID CAVEMEN GET OUT OF MY HEAD!?"

Now, Akiko was growing even more worried. On one hand, she was glad that Akira was doing a normal, teenager thing, like watching TV. On the other hand, she was not so glad that he was shrieking, 'WHY WON'T THOSE STUPID CAVEMEN GET OUT OF MY HEAD!?'

"Kouyo… I've been thinking… do you think that we put to much pressure Akira-san with his Go? Do you think it may be affecting his mental health?" she pondered as she looked at her husband.

This time, Touya Kouyo actually was awake, having felt refreshed from his bran-tastical nap. He gave a smile, and said, "No, dearest. Although Go may be mentally stressful at times, it is an enlightening game. I've been playing Go all of my life, and I turned out fine."

Then, blissfully, he fell asleep in his bowl of corn-pops. I guess his last nap wasn't that bran-tastical after all.

Pacing around his room, Akira solved problems of life and death in his head, in an effort to dispel all thoughts of a certain cheetah-clad portly primitive.

Circling around like this proved to do nothing though, as circles have been found to be quite the mental nuisance at times.

** "Heya, Barn. Comin' bowling tonight?"**

No! Curse that TV! Why hadn't he turned it off before coming upstairs? How was he supposed to distract himself from that annoyance of a show when he was being distracted by it?

There was always the option of going down the stairs, shutting off that box of evil, drugging himself, and happily drifting off to sleep. Yet, this would not work. If he ventured downstairs, no matter what his original intentions, he would only end up parking himself to the couch, and Akira knew this as well as Herald the Alligator did.

Yes. He definitely needed to reroute his mind somehow before he continued comparing his own knowledge to that of fictional animals.

What he needed to do was think about something… something that he liked, that would absorb him. But what?

Flopping down on his futon, then cursing himself for trying to flop down on a futon, he rubbed his newly injured bottom and said aloud, "What do I usually think about? I think about Go, and… Go… and… um… Go… and… uh…"

An image of a certain bleached-blonde-banged-boy made it's way into his mind, along with a thought of how stupid that sentence sounded with so many b's.

Akira's eyes went wide, as he breathed, "Shindou…"

He had made a deal with himself that he was not going to think about Shindou so… 'Obsessively,' as some like to put it. Still, the problem with this was that his subconscious had already etched the name into his permanent vocabulary, and had a bad habit of saying it every five minutes.

_ I mustn't think about Shindou. No. I won't._

** "Yabba-dabba-do!!!"**

Sighing as he heard the idiot box blaring from below, he realized that of his two favorite topics, Shindou was the only one proving to provide any help. Touya sighed to himself.

_Shindou. Hm…What is it about him anyway? He's such a mystery… he played so amazingly well during our first two games, but then our junior high tournament match…_ Akira bit his lip. That was a memory he didn't feel like… well, remembering.

_What else about Shindou? He's so rude sometimes. I can't believe him. But… I suppose it's kind of in a cute way._

The little man with the construction worker's hat that lives in Akira's mind decided to ignore that last mental comment.

Stretching a bit, he rolled over on his futon, recalling the last time they met at the Go Salon…

Touya huffed as he observed his rival sitting down across from him. _How Shindou-like, he thought, showing up late then giving a stupid excuse, "Oh, I was busy. Sorry."_

_But it doesn't matter. He's here, and if I start complaining now, we'll just start fighting and we won't get to play._

Hikaru seemed distracted by something. Not something that was in the Go salon, no. He seemed fidgety, like he couldn't wait to get out of his seat.

Both boys opened their go kes, took out a few stones each, and placed them on the board. It seemed that Touya was black, and Shindou white.

However, because my talents for go are comparable to those of a dyslexic chimpanzee, we'll just skip fine details. Although, in order to add to my own self-esteem, I will try to sound as though I know what I'm talking about.

Play did not proceed as it usually did; while Akira played with great strength, the flow of Shindou's stones were clearly off, making the competition one sided. He had missed obvious moves to increase territory, even failed to solve simple life and death problems. Touya had emerged victorious in the end by a whole 23 moku.

His eyes growing fierce, Akira stared at his rival and shouted "What's wrong with you!? That was pathetic!" He had a feeling inside him now similar to the one he felt after his much sought after match in junior high.

"Look… Touya… I need to go. I'm sorry." Hikaru said quietly as he quickly left the building.

Our hero… or at least our colour-blind Go pro type dude… thing… sighed to himself, frowning upon that memory. Why did he do that? Was it because Shindou didn't want to spend time with him anymore?

Suddenly, he felt his heart sink, and he didn't know why. Perhaps it was because he didn't want to loose his eternal rival, or perhaps it was because he felt like he didn't really have many friends. Or maybe he was feeling something else inside of him. Something new…

Meanwhile… In Touya Akira's subconscious…

The man in Touya's head scratched his construction hat. How to process this thought… what exactly was the feeling being felt here?

"Hmm…" he shuffled through papers, "If it ain't jealousy, friendship, or rivalry… den what is it? Jeez, I'm gonna need some help wit dis… Oi, Jerry! Whaddaya think o' dis?" He spoke into the little intercom to his left.

A voice came up through the speakers, "Lessee here, I think what we got 'ere is, eh… love, maybe?"

"Hm… you're right. But I don't think he gets it. How we gonna let this kid know?"

"Eh, maybe sing 'em a song?"

The man in the hat grinned, said, "I think you're lookin' at a promotion here, Jer." And reached to pick up the microphone to his right…

And yes, my friends. We all have little men living in our heads that help us with decision-making. They're really quite helpful, you know.

For some reason… Akira randomly heard this in his head.

** Um… is dis thing on? Okay den, uh… lessee… Oh, I got one. Ahem… Dere's a calm surrenda… to da rush o' day… when da heat of a' rollin' winds, can't be turned away… an enchanted moment… an' it sees me trough… it's enough fo' dis restless… ah, crap, how does dat song go…**

Akira decided to ignore that, in order to keep himself from questioning his own mental sanity... again.

Well, that didn't work out. The man grabbed his intercom again, and spoke into it, "Got any other ideas?"

His response was, "Eh… a clip show?"

Reluctantly, the man thought, _That'll hafta do…_

As if that strange song wasn't enough, Akira suddenly got an odd series of images of Shindou on his head. There was even bad elevator music in the background. Why… it looked like a clip show.

"… that's it. I've gone insane," he said aloud.

Crap! That didn't work either! The little man decided that he needed to be a little more straightforward…

**Eh, Akira.**

What? Now he was hearing voices in his head?

**Eh, Akira!**

"What?" Touya was definitely confused now.

**Listen, Akira. I think we need to-**

"Who are you…?"

**I'm your… eh, conscience. Now look, you've got a slight problem.**

"What do you mean…?"

**Well, you see… your… how shall I put dis… you're… not exactly… straight.**

"What's that supposed to mean?"

**Look, kid. I've got tings to do, places to go, people to see. What I'm tryin' to say here is dat… you're gay and in love with Shindou.**

"… what…?"

**I said you're gay and in love with Shindou. Got it, kid?**

"… I-"

**Good.**

The voice did not come back after that, which left Akira almost as confused as he was before. But after a few moments of thought, he realized that what his so-called 'conscience' had said was right. He and Shindou, they almost seemed… natural together.

Then, after a few more moments of realization, he realized that this whole situation was about as natural as a naked man bargaining with a dead moose.

In addition, the thought of a naked man bargaining with a dead moose was just about as scary as canned soup. Which, really, wasn't that scary. Therefore, I suppose that 'canned soup' should be replaced with 'realizing that he was gay and potentially insane'.

There. Now everything made sense. Well actually, it really didn't make any sense. So Touya decided that he would go to sleep and forget anything happened. Sleep, though, did not come easily.

Akira found himself wondering, as he lay on futon, 'I wonder if Shindou likes me back? I wonder what father will think of me now? I wonder what episode of the Flintstones is on? I wonder how they get those tiny bits of cheese in between those mushrooms?' And so forth.

Little did he know, however, that Shindou was having a similar problem…

Yes, Akira, I too, wonder how they get those tiny bits of cheese into the mushrooms.

So… uh, FRENCH FRIES! Have a lovely afternoon. Chapter two… coming soon. Well, actually it's up now. READ IT!!! Please and thank you.


	2. The strange dream

We've seen how Akira has discovered his feelings. Now, let's take a look into the life of Shindou Hikaru, and see what magical adventures he'll get into today…

Have fun, everybody! Remember, buy two lemonades and get the fourth… FREE!!!

"Hikaru! Hikaru!"

The two-toned boy spun around. Who was that calling him? Was it… Sai? No, it sounded like a frog…

"Hikaru! Hikaru!"

Sure enough, it was. A talking frog!? _Hmm…_ he thought, _this must be a dream…_

The frog croaked again, "Hikaru! What are you doing? Get me a salad… mixed with apple seeds!!!"

Blinking a few times, wondering what he should do, he decided that, because this was a dream, there was no harm in fulfilling the frogs wishes. After all, he didn't want to anger the little green thing and have this turn into a crazy nightmare.

The only problem, however, was that he didn't know where one would go to acquire a salad mixed with apple seeds. So he asked, "Uh, where am I supposed to get a salad mixed with apple seeds?"

Raising a slimy limb, the frog smacked himself in the head, and yelled, "You aren't getting me no confounded store bought salad! Make it yourself, you lazy bum!!!"

"But I don't know where to get the ingredients!"

The frog, again, raised his slippery arm, but then recalled that last time he hit himself in the head it hurt, so he put it down and said, "Go and look in the seating department!"

Again, Hikaru batted his eyes in confusion. "The seating department…?"

Now, the frog had lost his temper, and shrieked, "NEVER MIND! I'LL DO IT MYSELF!"

Well, that was a relief. Shindou sighed, murmured, 'whew' and began to walk away, when the frog yelled, "Hey! Where do you think you're going!? You know the punishment for disobeying me!"

Great. Punishment. That was exactly what the boy wanted to hear.

"Now, off to the torture chamber OF ROOFS!"

Before Hikaru could say anything, he was dragged away by three Amazonian women chanting, "The light and the park and the wind and the cow and the lion and the-"

You get the picture.

It had not been long until the three large women threw him into a dank, musty pit. Little rats scurried about, and there appeared to be a skeleton chained to the wall on his right, which inquired, "What are ya in for?"

Shindou groaned. This was going to be a long dream, all right. He picked up a rock and began to idly toss it around between his hands, but soon found it to be quite boring, and threw it into the pool of darkness before him. When he heard…

"Ow!"

He recognized that voice. Hastily, he stood up and said, "Touya?"

Sure enough, Akira emerged. Upon seeing Shindou, though, he seemed to have lost control. Akira ran up, and practically dove into Shindou, hugging him tightly.

"T-Touya!?" the now flustered Hikaru spattered from their position on the floor, trying to escape his cell-mate's grip as he heard the skeleton snickering from behind.

Beaming, Touya and clasped Hikaru, and said, "I'm so glad you're here, Hikaru-baby! But… why are you calling me Touya now…? Why aren't you calling me 'Akira-sugar' anymore…?"

"Hi… Hikaru-baby!? AKIRA-SUGAR!?" he screamed, his face now redder than scarlet or crimson. Which, I suppose, must have made it a new shade of red.

To continue…

Even though this was a dream, Hikaru was weirded out beyond all reason. Not to mention that the skeleton's snickering was becoming frustrating. When Shindou was just about to push Touya off him, he heard something… horns?

Gasping, Touya bolted up, and said, "Hikaru-baby! Listen!"

"So what?" Hikaru retorted, and then quickly added in, "AND STOP CALLING ME THAT!!!!"

"We need to go!" The other boy yelled, grabbing Hikaru and pulling him up, "It's time for our trial!"

This was definitely one of the weirdest dreams Hikaru had ever had. Nevertheless, before he had time to think aloud, Touya was dragging him out of the pit… somehow. They both walked into a square, where people were gathered around, all holding bags of dead seahorses. Sitting at the podium was a banana, sporting a red blazer.

"Oh townsfolk of Northland," he began, "These two here have both allegedly committed crimes, and must be tried!!! You first!" He pointed to Touya, who walked up to the stand.

Brushing his hair out of his face, which Hikaru thought to be rather pretty, (then he, of course, scolding himself for thinking so) began to speak…

"I was walking along the road, picking snuggle-berries for Hikaru-baby…" he pointed to Shindou, who went red again, "And I saw a caribou wearing a necktie! I was frightened because I didn't want him to steal my snuggle-berries, so I hit him with… a fiddle!"

The crowd gasped in shock.

"But…" Akira continued, "It was made out of cherry wood, not pine."

The crowd sighed in relief. Conversely, the judge did not seem impressed. He began to speak, "No matter the wood, you have still committed the felony of attacking a necktie wearing citizen with a fiddle!"

Still calm, Touya spoke in defense, "But today is sandwich day. Everyone knows you can attack necktie-wearing citizens with fiddles on sandwich day. And, it was an act of self-defense. If he stole my snuggle-berries, how would Hikaru-baby and I make candles and kissy-muffins for the feast of St. Bonsai?"

Contemplating for a few seconds, the judge banged his mallet. "This court finds you innocent! Next!"

Hikaru walked up to the stand, and attempted to ignore Touya winking at him. "Well," he started, "I was just standing there, and then there was this frog… and he told me to make him a salad mixed with apple seeds. But I-"

"That's enough!" the judge screamed, "It's already half past 45! I'm late for my appointment with the jingle-doctor of Yorkshire! I find you… GUILTY! Proceed with the sea-horsing!"

The people around them all pulled out a few seahorses from their bags, and aimed at Hikaru. He, though, had no idea what was going on, so he asked Akira, "Um… what's a 'sea-horsing'?"

With a very serious face, Touya yelled, "They are going to throw sea-horses at you're knees!!! We've got to get out of here!"

"Is that all? I'm sure that won't hurt," said Shindou, rolling his eyes. Touya, however, knew better. If you're knees smell like seahorses in Northland, the magical kismet-cactus would cut all of you're hair… he quickly grabbed 'Hikaru-baby's' hand, and began to drag him away.

Now the two were in the middle of the woods, totally exasperated from the run. As if things couldn't get any weirder for Hikaru, Akira had now fallen asleep in his lap.

Okay. This was awkward. It wasn't awkward because Touya, his sworn eternal rival, and fellow male, was happily snuggled on his lap. It was awkward because Hikaru actually liked the feeling, to a disturbing extent.

To save his own reason, and perhaps his own straightness, Hikaru forced himself to wake up.

Shooting upright, covered in a thin coating of sweat, or perhaps carrot juice, Hikaru stared at his ceiling. That… was a little more than weird. _Oh, it doesn't matter!_ He assured himself. _I'm sure everybody gets those kinds of dreams now and then._

He was just going to go back to bed, and forget about the warm, special, fuzzy, happy, snuggly, melty feeling. Lying back down, he rolled to his side, and then to his other side, and then to his other side, which was actually the first side he rolled to, mind you.

There was no way he was getting back to sleep. He missed the warm, special, fuzzy, happy, snuggly, melty feeling. He cursed himself for waking up.

Then about two seconds later he apologized to himself, seeing as how they're nuzzling would probably come to a halt due to a flying horse crashing into them.

He hugged his pillow secretly pretending it was Touya. The-

Wait a minute. Was he secretly pretending his pillow was Touya!? He sat up with widened eyes and yelled, "Oh, that's it! I'm going insane! I need to do something else…"

Standing up, and wobbling a little, he walked downstairs into the kitchen and opened the pantry. He randomly pulled out a box of muffins, and smiled. _The kissy-muffins… _he chuckled in his mind.

Then he screamed, launching the box of baked-doom at the wall.

"NO! NO! THEY'RE NOT TOUYA'S KISSY-MUFFINS!!!"

Like Touya Akiko, Mrs. Shindou also worried for her son's mental health at times. She wondered if waking up in the middle of the night and screaming about 'kissy-muffins' was a good sign.

Since it was 1:54 in the morning, though, she decidedly ignored it and fell back asleep.

Okay, it seemed that eating wasn't going to help. Maybe was would watch some TV. After glaring at the kissy-muffins, he made his way into the living room, where he plopped down on the couch and flicked on the television.

All that was on was some show called "Angsty Clam Junior High"

And there was no way he was watching that.

Pressing the 'power' button on the remote, Hikaru sighed and stared out the window. What to do, what to do? He didn't want to go back to sleep, for fear that he may have another huggle-infested dream, he didn't want to eat the kissy muffins, and he didn't want to watch the show about clams (for obvious reasons).

Nonetheless, of his choices, the show about clams seemed to be least gay.

… well, technically, it was the most gay. But, because it did not involve thoughts of him and Touya cuddling, it would work for now. He switched the power back on.

A few minutes later, his face as pale as a chalk-covered albino house martin caught in a bootlace, he quickly shut off the TV. That was possibly… the most stupid, most confusing, and not to mention most frightening thing he'd seen in his young, Go-playing life.

Actually, if he thought about it, many things frightened him. Ochi; the anaconda he thought lived under his bed when he was 4 (truthfully he was still afraid of it); robot overlords…

Then it hit him. The thought of him and Touya together made him feel happy. So why run away from it? He should save his fear for the things in life that are truly terrifying, like rabbits.

He smiled, thinking, _Back when we first met, if anyone had told me that I'd be in love with you, Touya… I would have thought they were insane. I guess I'm the insane one now…?_

Now that he had overcome that issue, he kind of wanted one of those kissy-muffins. However, because he had thrown them on the ground, his dog was now eating them.

Then he rapidly realized he didn't have a dog, and quickly called animal control.

Closing his eyes, with the veterinarians and the rabies control team flooding into the house, he contentedly fell asleep on the couch, not noticing the giant crow that had just flown into the window, splattering itself on the glass.

Well, not really.

It seems that chapter was shorter than the last one. A pity. No matter, though! I have homework to do!

In addition, thank you for reading chapter two! More to come soon!

Random Guy: There better not be! shakes fist I'm getting tired of this story! IT'S SO DUMB!


	3. The Potato Cup

Thanks to kirise, Nozomi Anshin, SolarCat, mariklover12 and KagomeGirl121 for the nice reviews and keeping my confidence up! WEE!! And now for chapter three! It's shorter than the first two, though, because I want to this up before midnight, so I don't get blamed for waiting a year to update.

I promise that chapter four will be at least ten pages!

Shindou Hikaru awoke on the couch that morning with a cheerful bubbly feeling inside him.

Touya Akira awoke on his futon that morning with a feeling of extreme paranoia.

But, no matter the feelings they had in their guts, it wouldn't stop either of them from going to the special super meeting at the Go institute. No one knew what the meeting was about, but the pamphlet said that it was special and super, so all the pros decided to go.

Both boys got up and had breakfast. Hikaru had eggs and toast, which he ate with a spoon, and Akira didn't actually have anything because he doesn't eat. They put on their hats and mitts, because it was apparently snowing outside, and headed out the door!!!

Hikaru walked and Akira got a ride from everyone's favourite suit-wearing, go playin' pedophiliac guy… Ogata! Hikaru arrived first, however, because Ogata needed to stop at the tropical fish store and buy 17 new Siamese fighting fish to cram in his new, 3-cm fish tank.

All of the pros gathered in the little meeting room thingy; Akira nervously scanning the room for Hikaru; and a giant ape stuck in a jar of jam, who was really Kuwabara, began to speak.

"I'm sure you all may have noticed that there are many new young people getting into the pro leagues…" he began, "… and so we have decided that we are going to hold a special tournament between China, Korea, and Japan for all pros 18 and under!!!"

The crowd was confused, as one man said, "Uh… Kuwabara-sensei? Didn't we already do that? The Hokuto Cup?"

Kuwabara began to laugh that laugh that sounds like a chicken being strangled, and said, "Oh, no! Because this time… we're going to host the tournament in CHINA!!!"

Another man called out, "Yes, but… that sounds just like the Hokuto Cup… except in China."

"Yes, but we're calling it the Potato Cup instead!"

"Ohh…" The whole crowd mumbled, as Kuwabara began to speak again. "Now, we're going to select those who will be coming with us by a small elimination match. So all pros 18 and under, please go into the playing room."

And so, all the young 'uns went into to the playing room, and waited for further instructions. After a few minutes, Kurata came in (I bet you didn't even know he was here, did you? DID YOU!?) and began to DANCE!!!

But then he stopped dancing because he noticed everyone was scared.

"Ahem…" he began, "It seems that there is going to be a slight problem with this. You see… all of the go stones here have been mysteriously stolen…"

By SHINDOU'S MOM!!! Because she's going to make a pie with them. But no one else knows that!

"… and so," he continued, "It seems we'll need to determine who will be participating by me spinning around with my eyes closed and randomly pointing at someone. Okay?"

Everyone had a look of utter confusion and/or fear on their faces. But Kurata didn't notice, because he was too busy spinning around with his eyes closed.

And then he fell out the window. Luckily, however, he was safe because he landed in the giant fish tank strapped onto the back of Ogata's car.

"Well," Ochi began, "I think that we should select only the finest three players to participate. Touya and I are painfully obvious choices for first and second boards, of course… Touya, who do you think should be third board?"

Without even hesitating, Touya stated, "Shindou."

Shindou himself, of course, was spaced out daydreaming about Touya wearing a little nurse's outfit.

The ugly pile of ostrich feces (Ochi) began to sneer, "Why would you want Shindou as third board? He's too stupid to even play go fish."

Offended by the little rat for insulting his Shindou, Touya was about to go totally ape and strangle him. But he didn't have the chance, however, because Ogata came running in and yelled, "DID SOMEONE SAY GO FISH!?"

He then pulled out a black fish from his pocket… I guess… and slammed it on a board. "C'mon, Akira. Let's see how you fare against the Go-Fish champ…" he smirked.

The fish screamed… and died, as Touya stared down at the board in horror and said, "Ogata-san… I… uh, don't have any white fish…" in attempt to escape the challenge.

Laughing, Ogata adjusted his glasses and said, "Not a problem," as he took out his wallet and dumped a whole pile of black and white fish out.

"Here," he began again, "I'll even give you a handicap." With that, he began to slam down a bunch of black fish all over the board. All of which, of course, screamed and died, in a most horrendous manner.

Everyone in the room, in fear of Ogata… being himself… ran out of the room All, that is, but Shindou, who was still spaced out; Touya, who was partially frozen with disgust and partially staring at Shindou; and Waya, who had fallen asleep.

The 9-dan smirked again, "Well then, I suppose we've found our three representatives…" And he suavely walked out of the room… I guess.

A little while later, after everyone was a little calmer from the shock, the meeting room thing was filled up once again.

"Well," Kuwabara began, "It seems that even though we had a slight problem, our resourceful Ogata-kun managed to find a way to find the best players."

The blonde in his snazzy white suit THAT HE WEARS EVERY SINGLE DAY EXCEPT FOR ONCE walked up the super microphone at the front of the room. "Yes," he began, "You're three representatives for the prestigious Potato Cup this year will be, Touya Akira, Shindou Hikaru, and Waya Yoshitaka."

The crowd began to cheer, which awoke the three from their states of sleep and/or paralysis and/or hallucination.

"Congratulations on qualifying, Akira!" Ashiwara smiled brightly as he shook Touya's hand.

"Um… thank you, Ashiwara-san…" he garbled as he escaped from the hoards of people who would inevitably start congratulating him, ask for autographs, try to get an interview, or offer him skunk flavoured cola.

And that was when he came face to face with the one person whom he liked so much, he was afraid of.

NO! Not a giant radish from Kentucky! Shindou!

He didn't know what to say. If he began to speak, he would stutter and seem terribly obvious. If he said nothing, there would be and awkward silence. He decided that he would make things seem normal, and ask Shindou to go have lunch with him.

"Uh… Sh-Shindou? Do you… you want to g-go and…. Have… lunch? You know… like a congratulations kinda thing… and… um… so… cause I r-really want to go have lunch…"

_Blast! That sounded suspicious…_ he thought. _No, it wasn't that bad._

… _on opposite day._

Yes, opposite day is an important holiday in the Touya house, according to his father. He forces Akira to wear a dress and disguise glasses, and other ridiculous things.

Anyway…

Hikaru began to blush like a schoolgirl. "Sure, Touya…" he said, "Where do you want to go?" But it really didn't matter where he wanted to go, because they would eventually end up in a ramen shop.

_Oh god… what was I thinking?_ Akira questioned his mental health as the two began to walk out of the building together. But little did they know… how insane things would REALLY get when they left for China…


	4. The strawberry pattern

DUDES WHOA DUDES WHOA! (That's my expression of amazement.) It's been, like 17.42 YEARS since I last updated this!

So, anyway, I'm sorry for the delay. School's been a pain in the posterior, and everybody and their mother is getting sick up here in the great white north.

But enough of my pointless excuses. Let's listen to the story…

The two boys walked silently together down the street until they reached the nearby ramen shop, and Akira groaned inwardly.

_I knew we'd end up here…_ he thought in dismay. But ramen wasn't that bad, and at least he got to spend time with Shindou.

…_wait…_ he thought again. _Wait a minute! Why am I doing this? I can't spend time with him! What if I say something stupid or start acting obvious? Oh god…_

He was beginning to hyperventilate as he was thinking this. But he didn't notice, because he was too worried about starting to hyperventilate.

"Touya? You feeling okay?" Shindou inquired to his shivering crush as they sat down in their seats.

Akira said nothing.

"Touya…?"

Still, he said nothing. But Shindou just dismissed his silence as plain old Touya-weirdness, and ordered two bowls of ramen.

A little while later, a man in a purple wig roller-skated over to their table, doing a little spin upon arriving. "Here you go, hun! And don't forget, parrot feathers are the new WINTER FASHION!" he winked, as he danced away.

Hikaru made a great attempt to ignore that.

He picked up his chopsticks and began to swirl them around in his bowl, while blushing. _What if,_ Hikaru began to think, _he's figured me out? Is that why he isn't talking to me?_

Both boys decided that they needed to get these feelings off theirs chests. Hikaru looked at Akira and opened his mouth. "Touya… " he began, "You know, I really…"

"Shindou… I think I'm…"

But their super-ultra-love confessions were cut short by the sound of….

A CAN OF TUNA!

… or… maybe it was really the sound of a helicopter!

But why, you ask, why is there a helicopter outside the humble little shop? What a silly question. Well, I did say they were leaving for China, didn't I?

"YOU TWO!" came the voice of Kuwabara, amplified by a megaphone, "GET OUT HERE! WE'VE GOT TO GET YOU TO THE AIRPORT!"

The restaurant-goers flocked outside to see what the hubbub was about. Hikaru and Akira were among them, naturally.

"Kuwabara-sensei! We can't leave yet! We haven't packed or anything!" Hikaru screamed back in their defence.

Sigh… leave it to Kuwabara to give you five minutes notice before dragging you to China. Well, I suppose it's really my fault, because I am the writer, after all. But oh well. I don't feel like writing filler.

And so, against their wishes, the two boys were forced to board the helicopter, so they did not have to face the angry wrath of many rabid, punctual old go dudes.

By the way, where Kuwabara got the helicopter… you do not want to know. So anyway… blah. They got into the helicopter and whatnot, where they met WAYA!

Hikaru and Touya on the way to the airport were as soundless as a dead racoon in a silent film. Waya, on the other hand, had his headphones on and was singing quite loudly.

"ALL RIGHT! WE'RE JAMMIN'… I WANNA JAM IT WITH YOU… WE'RE JAMMIN'… JAMMIN'… AND I HOPE YA LIKE JAMMIN' TOO…"

_Oh good lord…_ Akira thought, _There is NO WAY that I can stand another minute with the singing idiot!_

But luckily for Touya, they soon got to their destination.

Meanwhile… deep in the catacombs of Egypt… or at least at the airport…

_It's not fair…_ Isumi thought as he watched the three board the plane. _Why do they always get to go to the cool tournaments?_

Poor Isumi. Oh, how he wished to be 18 again… then he would be able to attend the Potato Cup! If there was only a way he could go with them…

"Excuse me, sir?" Came the voice of a woman behind him, "Are you getting on the plane?"

A very un-characteristic, evil grin spread across Isumi's face. "Why yes," he said, "Yes I am…"

A few screams, hair-pulls, and tie-ups later…

"MMPH! MMMPPHH!" the same flight attendant attempted to speak with a gag in her mouth.

Shinichiro frowned and said, "Sorry ma'am … but I've got a plane to catch!"

And with that, Isumi Shinichiro, who now wore the nametag, mini-skirt, and whole flight attendant-getup, ran with his high heels towards the aircraft.

Back with Hikaru and gang…

"Cool!" Waya squealed, "I've never been on a plane before! This is so exciting, man!"

Kuwabara rolled his eyes, "Oh come now, it's not so 'cool'. Why, back in my day, planes were 'cool'! Back then, they were made of rubber gremlins! And we didn't say 'cool', we said... mawowlers!"

But frankly, no one cared.

Touya and Hikaru looked at each other nervously, both knowing they wanted to sit beside the other, but both too afraid to say anything.

Obviously, Waya didn't notice the longing stares they were giving each other, because he grabbed Hikaru's hand and flopped him down on the seat beside him. "Geez!" he yelled loudly, "Hurry up and sit down, you two!"

Akira surveyed the scene before him. _No…_ he sneered at the brunette, _You're trying to steal MY SHINDOU!_

He was mad, all right. But he was even more peeved when he saw that there was no more vacant seats in the row. "Where am I supposed to sit?" He snapped.

Waya rolled his eyes and pointed to the row behind them. "There," he said simply.

_Well…_ Akira thought… _at least I get to sit behind Shindou_. He smiled at his rival… and then he looked at his seat again, and realized there was a problem with it. It was one of those problems that reminded you of sitting next to a crazy, drunken old guy.

Because… um, that's exactly what the problem was.

"I don't want to sit there!" He tried not to scream at Waya, who conveniently had his headphones on again.

"BYE, BYE, MISS AMERICAN PIE… DROVE MAH CHEVY TO THE LEVI BUT THE LEVI WAS DRY…" the coffee haired boy sang in English, with a rather bad accent.

Shindou shot Akira an apologetic look on Waya's behalf. He sighed, knowing there was no way he'd be able to sit beside his beloved, and so Touya parked himself next to the strange old man.

The chap had a rather obnoxious smell, which was like a mixture of spinach and spray paint. And if that weren't bad enough, he wouldn't stop talking to our unfortunate Akira, who was trying his best to be polite. "And so I says to the guy, I says…" the man slurred, "… get yer own sundae, ya freak I'm tellin' ya, some people just don't know when to quit!"

Honestly, Touya couldn't even figure it out himself how he was able to last as long as he did. With that man babbling and spilling root beer on him, Waya screaming, and the horrible in-flight movie, he was surprised he didn't commit suicide.

However, as disturbing as this whole experience was to Touya, things would only get weirder and weirder. Especially when he heard Waya cry, "ISUMI? WHY ARE YOU WEARING A DRESS?

Lo and behold, there he was, the older pro, wearing a dress and offering some weird looking people salted peanuts.

The raven-haired young man was a little caught off-guard by his friend recognizing him, but luckily, he had a clever way to fool the boy.

"Uh… uhhhm… I'm not… Isumi…?" he laughed awkwardly.

Yes… very clever.

Waya stared at him, as did pretty much everyone else in the plane. Hikaru's eyes were wide, as he mumbled, "Isumi-san…? Why did you…?"

"Erm…" Isumi bowed in resignation, "I just… really wanted to come to the Potato Cup with you guys…"

On one hand, Kuwabara felt as though he needed to say something along the lines of, "Isumi-kun! What were you thinking! This is unacceptable!" But on the other, he thought Isumi looked quite fetching in that little mini-skirt, so he said nothing.

Being quite embarrassed, Isumi glanced around the craft, gave a nervous laugh, and dashed towards the bathroom to spend the remainder of the flight.

"Eh…? Where'd that hot girl go? You know…" the strange smelling man nudged Akira, "I think she liked me…" he hiccupped a few times. The pro couldn't help but cringe.

Following this incident was silence, which was a welcome change in Touya's book. Things were actually sort of getting better. At least Waya wasn't singing any-

"WHEN YOU WERE YOUNG AND YOU'RE HEART… WAS AN OPEN BOOK… YOU'D JUST SAY LIVE AND LET LIVE… YOU KNOW YOU DID, YOU KNOW YOU DID, YOU KNOW YOU DID…"

… never mind.

A few hours later…

"Finally!" Hikaru wheezed, "I thought we'd never get off that plane!"

Waya slipped off his headphones (finally) and stuffed them into a random pocket of his backpack. "Yeah, that guy behind us smelled weird…" he gave an evil grin to Touya.

After scouring his suitcase, Kuwabara found the directions to the hotel they were staying at, and began to study them. "Says here," he read, "That we'll be staying at 'Hotel Hwen Luan'…"

Now, Touya didn't know much Chinese, but he was pretty sure that 'hwen luan' meant something along the lines of… chaos and pandemonium.

Can we say, omen, everybody?

So, to make a long story short, they made they're way to the hotel. Kuwabara let Isumi come along, on the condition that he'd stay in that outfit, Waya slipped on three banana peels (consecutively) and broke his leg, and Hikaru had to stop to give directions to a pack of wild Tasmanian devils.

Yes, it may have taken them a while, but they did eventually get there.

Hobbling on his cast, Waya shrieked in delight, "Whoa! I've never seen such a fancy hotel!"

The man (or woman, they couldn't really tell) at the front desk told them the floor their rooms were on, gave them their keys, and yadda yadda yadda.

And because I could not think of a more creative situation, Touya and Shindou were placed in a room together, as well as Waya and Isumi.

HORRAY FOR CLICHES! (Inset accent on the E…)

Kuwabara looked very depressed, because he was all alone in his own room. He really wanted to share a room with Isumi… "Couldn't you let me share a room with him? I'd even do something crazy, if you'd just let me!" He cried into the sky.

Suddenly, a booming voice came from above… or below… or at least from my computer screen.

"FINE!" It yelled, "But… you must… THROW YOURSELF IN A PIT OF HORMONAL CROCODILES!"

"Are you… God?" he gasped.

"Um… well… yes! Yes I AM! MUA HA HA HA HA! Now go, do as I command you! … sucker…" it snorted.

And so, he did. It wasn't hard to find a pit of hormonal crocodiles, because there was one conveniently place in a nearby Chinese NcDonalds. Ah, ol' reliable NcDonalds… does my heart good to see such fine customer care…

After a few minutes of wrestling crocodiles, he came back and huffed, "All right! I did it… and I tell ya, those crocodiles sure do have a mean streak! So, now can I-"

"NO!" came the voice again, "MUA HUA HUA HA HA HA HA HA HAA!"

Sigh… Kuwabara was alone again. But OH WELL! Because he's just a crazy old dude. Let's get back to the plot! Or… whatever you'd call it.

Shindou and Touya quietly rode the elevator together, until they reached the tenth floor. The two walked in silence to their room where, once found, Hikaru twisted the knob to reveal…

"One bed… ?" They cried in unison, faces completely flushed.

Oh, come on. Who didn't expect that coming?

Touya nervously glanced over at his much-loved rival and felt a warm sweat trickling down his face. _This is a once in a lifetime experience_… he thought, _to be alone with Shindou, away from it all, in one bed… together…_

He was getting excited, imagining quite naughty things, as one would assume. He stood there for at least 7 minutes; eyes glued to the bed, as all sorts of images raced through his mind like an auctioneer on Prozac who had just drank 15 cups of coffee.

"Uh… Touya? Aren't you going to come in…?" Shindou asked.

Immediately, he snapped out of his fantasizing at the sound of Hikaru's voice and his face reddened more than it had been a moment ago.

_Oh god, what am I doing? I shouldn't be thinking things like this! It's unacceptable! And especially when I know Shindou won't feel the same… _He reasoned with himself.

Meanwhile… in the back of Hikaru's mind…

"Oh my god oh my god we're in the same bed oh my god oh my god I can't wait I can't wait I just want to-"

**THE REST OF THIS PARTICULARLY IMPISH THOUGHT HAS BEEN CENSORED AT THE REQUEST OF THE PARENTAL ADVISORY MOOSE. THANK YOU AND HAVE A GOOD DAY.**

Curse that moose!

So, anyways…

The room was very large indeed, and was adorned with many lovely paintings, and… um, all sorts of other fancy crap. What, do I have to write a description?

The two pros started to remove their belongings from their bags. Hikaru was finished first, because Akira still needed to unpack all of his hair care products. The bleached blonde decided to flop onto the bed and flick on the TV to… um... the GO CHANNEL!

I have no idea if there is such a channel, but just play along.

"… and so, the Go world has been asking, What exactly has Mr. Touya, former Meijin, been doing with his life? We bring you a special interview, live, with our ace reporter…"

"Oi! Touya! You're dad's on TV!" Hikaru called into the bathroom.

Poking his head out to see, Akira sighed. Now, this would have been no big deal in the past, but now that he was retired… Touya Kouyo was a bit… well, crazy.

The segment on TV went a little something like this… (the bolded sentences are the reporter…)

**Hello Mr. Touya! And may I say it's an honour to meet you!**

Kouyo: Hello.

**Are you ready for you're interview?**

Kouyo: From who?

**From you.**

Kouyo: From him?

**No, you.**

Kouyo: From her?

**No, you!**

Kouyo: From the microwave?

**NO YOU! **

Kouyo: From me?

**YES!**

Kouyo: All right. So, what do you want to know?

**Well, I was wondering what you've been doing these days since you've retired. **

Kouyo: Well, I've been walking around, jumping off buildings, going in the printer, trying to see if my hand would appear on the TV screen by putting in the... oh... what's it called... wait… what's that thing... Oh! The VCR! Yep... that's the life.

**... I see. How's you're wife doing?**

Kouyo: WIFE? What wife? Oh... that wife.

**How is she doing?**

Kouyo: He's feeling BROKEN! Literally.

**Mr. Touya, I mean you're wife as in the woman you married.**

Kouyo: Oh! The wife! She's feeling like flying. That's why she jumped on the wheel of an airplane as it was taking off. Of wait... that was me.

**Mr. Touya, just how old are you anyway?**

Kouyo: I don't know.

**…**

Kouyo: I really don't know.

**Well, I suppose that means you're around the age of 67?**

Kouyo: I'm much older than that. I'm way, way, WAY older than that.

**... uhhh…**

Kouyo: I'm a bit older than two hundred thousand million...

**... why did a young woman like you're wife marry someone so old anyway?**

Kouyo: Well, I was about one thousand when she was born, then she grew up, and we got married. For some reason. That's what happened.

… **okay... do you miss you're professional career at all?**

Kouyo: Nope! I'm completely free!

**I suppose this means that you enjoy all you're spare time?**

Kouyo: Yes. I like to be a tornado! (spins around) Weeeeee!

**… this makes no sense. Ah, what the heck. Let's talk about you're son,Akira-san. What do you think of his rising career in the Go world?**

Kouyo: I think his career is on a steady pace. But more importantly, I hope one day, I can give him an afro.

**Why would you do something like that…?**

Kouyo: Because afros are metal and have computer bits in them!

**Mr. Touya... do you even know what an afro is?**

Kouyo: What are you talking about? I never said anything about an afro! I don't even know what those are! However what I do know is this. Akira takes three hours every morning combing his hair, and he wears underwear with strawberry designs on them.

**… um… er… okay. So, why did you request a game with Shindou Hikaru for the first dan series?**

Kouyo: To see if I could take his body parts and use them, and to see if I could do a cartwheel.

**Use them…? Use them for what?**

Kouyo: I don't know.

**... this isn't going well.**

Kouyo: Well, I'm glad you asked. The story of my childhood was like growing up, and that's the story of my childhood.

**... You need medical help.**

Kouyo: Why do people keep saying that…?

**Hey, that reminds me, you remember when you had a heart attack?**

Kouyo: Hmm… that was about a few months ago... and yesterday... and right now...

**Um... yes. What do you think caused that heart attack? Was it because you felt too much pressure playing against Ogata sensei?**

Kouyo: It was probably from when I went hunting... and then ate all those sea lions… (shudder)

**What do you think of Ogata anyway?**

Kouyo: I thinks that's he's in love with Shindou.

**What makes you think that?**

Kouyo: Whenever Shindou plays, he wants to watch. Like for his game against me, and the young lions tournament. And he was the one who sponsored him to be an Insei. He even played Shindou while he was drunk. Trust me, when you're my age, you can tellsense things.

**... out of this interview so far... that is the only thing you've said... that makes any… sense.**

Kouyo: What did I say?

**Um... never mind. Well, what do you want to comment about? Any special thing you'd like to say to the public?**

Kouyo: Banana split ice cream sundaes have light bulbs in them!

**... um… do you consider that a bad thing?**

Kouyo: No.

**Why?**

Kouyo: Because they taste good. That's why my tongue is electrocuted! (sticks tongue out)

**... why don't we talk about Go?**

Kouyo: Okay, we can talk about... LIGHT BULBS!

**Are you obsessed with light bulbs or something?**

Kouyo: What? Why would you ask that? I don't even know what those are! Wait, yes I do! Wait, no I don't... wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait... (falls asleep)

Kouyo: (wakes up) Oh… what did I do? Who are you? What are you doing here? What am I doing on top of Mount Olympus?

… **um… let's talk about… uh… farmers.**

Kouyo: Mm… delicious…

**… never mind. Let's go back to you're family. Tell us a bit about them.**

Kouyo: They are young, and they are edible, I think, and they are… ceilings.

**Do you have any idea what you're talking about?**

Kouyo: No.

**Um… right… yes. Let's talk about you're days off. You don't just sit here and play go by yourself all day, do you?**

Kouyo: No! I'll tell you about that. Ahem… First, I start my day by going to the coffee shop near my house.

**Makes sense…**

Kouyo: Hey, I wasn't done! Anyway, so, every time I go there some kid with hives says, "YOU'RE TOO YOUNG TO DRINK COFFEE!" And so I say, "What? I'm so old, I can't even find my own eyes!" So then I go into the car repair store and I usually find them in there.

**…**

Kouyo: Then I go to the ramen shop, and jump into the bowls. But the people there usually think that my hair is the noodles and eat it. So, that's why I'm bald.

… **you're not bald. (points to hair)**

Kouyo: I'm not?

**Nope.**

Kouyo: Nope? Nope what?

**Nope as in nope you're not bald.**

Kouyo: I'm not?

**Nope.**

Kouyo: Nope? Nope what?

**Nope as in nope you're- ARGH! Okay… I have an idea. Mr. Touya, Go fans from around the world send you fan mail all the time. You are aware of that, yes?**

Kouyo: I am?

**Yes you are. Now, I've brought a few of them with me today. Why don't we read them?**

Kouyo: Only if I get 1.50.

**... why would you need 1.50?**

Kouyo: Well, you see it's quite simple. But it would be simpler if you told me what the question was.

… **uh… I think this interview is over. Any closing comments?**

Kouyo: Yes, I want to sing a song I wrote.

**Okay…**

Kouyo: It's called… umm… what was it called… umm… what was it called… uh…

… **um, it seems I have to go. Thank you for you're time, Mr. Touya. (runs away)**

…_Two hours later…_

Kouyo: … umm… uhhh… oh! What? What's going on? When am I going to do that interview? … oh well. Back to the daily routine. Meow… meow… I'm a cat! Meow…(scampers away)

The only things in the young Go players minds as they witnessed that most disturbing interview was this:

_Kill me._

They stared at the box of horror, neither knowing what to say. Then suddenly, Hikaru burst out laughing.

"Strawberry underwear?" he barely mananged to say between uproarious laughter.

Touya snapped at him, "It's not true! Father just made that up! He's not exactly…"

A huge grin spread across Hikaru's face as he fumbled through the drawer and pulled out…

A pair of strawberry briefs.

He couldn't keep silent for very long after seeing the girlie garments, and then the appalled look on Touya's face. He exploded in streams of totally insane laughter, rolling on the bed, clutching his sides.

This was very embarrassing indeed, and Touya wasn't going to take this. In a fit, he lunged onto the bed, and onto Hikaru, in an attempt to pry the unmentionables from his hands.

The two tossed and turned, fighting over the piece of fabric, and that's when it happened.

He didn't know why he did it then, he didn't know where he got the courage to do it, but the heat of their underwear battle, Shindou Hikaru began to carress his rival's burning cheeks; to suck and lick at his wet lips; to stroke his chest...

Touya was both shocked... completely, utterly happy. He'd never thought that Hikaru liked him, or that it would feel this good!

Embarrassed, Hikaru realized what he was doing and, with wide eyes, pulled away, then stared down at the floor. "I… I'm… sorry…" he stammered, "I don't know why I… um… I guess I'll leave now…"

He never got the chance to stand up, though, because he felt a hand snaking up his leg, which began to-

**THE PARENTAL ADVISORY MOOSE APOLOGIZES FOR THE INCONVINIENCE, BUT THE FOLLOWING SCENE WAS EVER SO NAUGHTY THAT HE FELT IT NEEDED TO BE CUT. THANK YOU AND HAVE A LOVELY DAY**

CURSE THAT MOOSE!

Well, more chapters that I hope you will will find mawowlers to come. Adios! DON'T FORGET TO REVIEW!


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